“Shadow” (Krisnata Ricky)

“Shadow”

By Krisnata Ricky

What was I thinking? It was like something possessed me. I didn’t want to die, I just.. wanted some friends — the real ones. Nobody talked to me. When I checked my phone to see was there any message or no, there was still none. Nobody asked how I am doing. I didn’t want to live my whole life in a void like this. People came to me when they need something. They were using me. They treated me as a facility that can help them doing their homework. My parents were forcing me to have a school in town next door. I was not alone, but I was very-very lonely. I’m still lying on my bed thinking about all of that. I’m not going to school obviously, not after what happened last night. I take a break. I get out of my bed and look at the mirror beside my bed and smile. I think I cried a lot yesterday. The sunshine pierces through the window to my room so brightly. I open the window and look outside. The breeze is so relaxing, and the heat from the sun is comforting. “Do you feel any better now?”

He is Jordan, and I am Jordan #2. It’s not like I am his son or his twin. I am his shadow, his other half. Yeah, it’s very strange that someone’s shadow has its own personalities, character, and thought. I, myself, don’t even know how I can be born this way, but I know my purpose. Last night he was so depressed and wanted to commit suicide by drinking a poison in his room. He was at his lowest point, indeed. But because of that, comes the slightest hope for change. Thus, I was born and had my own consciousness. I talked to him. He was shocked of course. He taught that he was going insane. But then, I told him that I was your last hope. “You asked for a friend.” I said. I spoke to him for about an hour, talking about his problems. He became calm and decided not to end his life. He threw away the poison and kneeled. All of his sadness that he buries inside him explodes in a form of a cry. He called their parents and told them everything. That’s the first step to his changing, to his plot twist.

“I am, although I’m still not sure whether you can really talk, or you are just an imagination in my mind.” I answer. I don’t care if all of this is just me being insane anyway. He did save me, not just from the suicidal thought, but from all the negative thoughts that I have. I can see the world in a good perspective now. “It’s up to you whether you feel lonely or not, it’s just a matter of your perspective” that’s what he said. I check my phone, and there’s messages from my parents telling that they are on the way here. They don’t hate me after all, they just want the best for me. “And this is also the way you can be more mature.” “I know.” Coming out to my parents is a big change. I feel loved now, I feel appreciated. First, I need to change myself, and I have to love myself. Then, I can change my life. “There will be time when I won’t be able to talk anymore. But know this, I will be always by your side Jordan. When there is light, you can find me there. If there is no light, you just have to make your own.”